Sunday, March 6, 2011

Shalt cease to exist thou, late revolutionary cow!

(Random rants in air-sick pants...US-India flights : Where anything can begin)

The cow is a quadraped. It had 2 legs and then it started throwing a rant and started printing out essays exercising exceptional mind control thus obtaining two more. They were very oddly placed though. One on the frontish left and the other on the extreme backside right. To be fair, they might have been equally oddly placed to begin with. It kept falling to its side and rolling over but that is no fair excuse. Some say that might have justified it's use of arm cutting off related blackmail, but I maintain we should cut those bullock bollocks off. They might ask for wings next and we all know what happens when cows fly. They make for really poor jokes! It is gaussianly worse when they suffer from dysentery and have single horned unicorn super powers. Some religions worship the cow but after a tehelka expose we suspect that might have been a long wounded political nexus. The cow is quite large. That is certainly what a dwarf ant would say. On a related note, dwarf ants are protected by law. This is not the first kind of fiendish fetish Jude Law has been known to possess. Even some flights and some more buildings are allergic to the number 13. The people on the 14 th would be foolish not to know which row or floor they are actually at. Cows are believed to be behind this fad. It may be noticed that mad cow disease has exactly 13 letters in it. So does Jude Law fetish. If the cow would have had a Facebook page it would have had a few friends. Most of us just like it dead. Killing the said facebook page would get far many more likes. Apparently some chicks dig chewing cud. It is a mystery however how that got buried in the first place. The chicks may also be chewing cud while digging. The reported conditions are most definitely ambiguous, but the one thing we know for certain is that the chicks were unsuccessful in their possibly nefarious motives by the heroic warriors from Kentucky. It should have been apparent by now that I don't have the slightest clue as to how to end this essay on cows. I guess this shall end, when, you, my teacher award me the three short of maximum marks possible on this piece. Put in the remaining three marks on the main sheet of paper and reattach the piece of paper you previously preciously marked to the aforementioned main sheet. I must sincerely warn you though; your mindless compliance of my spatially and temporally remote instructions doesn't bode too well for your future prospects as a hopeful non victim of more notorious crimes. The cows seem to have already taken control of you. An essay on cows seems to be something a cow would derive pleasure from. I cannot however rule out you being a cow either; you know with the horns, large ears, long face, attribute of being made of flesh, rubbery skin, associated genitals and all, it sure could be misleading at times. The only thing saving you the misplaced identity might well be, you know, your small, and I mean really comparatively small ermmm... I don't know how to put this sensitively..... ribs. You wouldn't make for a good meal.

Rime of the ancient coder

This was nearly a year ago and entirely impromptu. The only gaps in between were the dastardly interceptions of real work. Any obscenities and rude emotions expressed were purely momentary and probably not entirely temporary. As written down to a friend of mine.
While we are at rhymes, thought you might want to make fun of this impromptu (brag!!) piece of mine. The deleted lines are ones you shouldn't bother too much about.

me: hmm.....
4:17 PM it started with one little kid
and was happy with what he did
me: did he was to CRL join
4:18 PM little did he realise it will be a kick to the groin
4:21 PM me: as she didnt let him continue
while everything turned a dark hue
4:22 PM he still persisted for it needed to be known
to all those young and indeed the grown
a BITSian mentor he would get, he was elated
me: so much more simple, so much abated
4:23 PM arre wait na, he shouted out to her
me: yeah so
4:24 PM arre wait na, he shouted out to her
me: but she wouldnt care, like she was suffering hay fever
so he continued nonetheless
as he pined for some sympathy, some caress
4:25 PM he was indeed in duress
that he couldnt have liked any less

4:26 PM
me: arre....thoda kuchh aur kaam
interrupted aayega poetry
ruk jaao
4:27 PM me: work excellent he had gotten
little did he know the mentor was rotten
4:28 PM a new algorithm to SPMV was found
it seemed so good so sound
4:29 PM implemented it on multiple threads, many more nodes
could hear the supercomputing angels singing odes
4:30 PM but what a bastard he turned out to be
the mentor you see
cared little for what was done
still thought he was the supercomputing hun
4:31 PM made stupid suggestions and expected them to be done
till a new CEO came along and with him had some fun
left with no position in the office was he
took out all his frustration on yours truly
for his entire team had disbanded and fled
4:32 PM while little kid alone, in his tutelage, bled

4:33 PM
4:34 PM me: like the earlier team members he too
wanted to flee or hide in the loo
4:35 PM the opportunity came along in a golden chariot
and he wasnt going to STFU like a little idiot

4:39 PM
18 minutes
4:57 PM me: Shrirang with whom he had lovely ideas discussed
who also at his mentor cussed
for he had suffered the same and escaped
those who couldnt had been thoroughly raped
4:58 PM both of them already had a decent rapport they shared
to think differently they dared
application sought, algorithm thought
CUDA and sorting were the selected lot
4:59 PM but then came one day, brought with it news, left him in a disarray
old mentor (ex-boss) wanted his will to stay
5:00 PM wrap up the project, submit a paper
not too much, can be done by child in a diaper
so he said and believed, for he was a prick you see
5:01 PM you can get all the results you want
from the team members who suffered my slant
wanted to get over with it soon and return to glory
5:02 PM he went to the disbanded ones and narrated his story
no results we have for you to take
run em again or some you fake
5:03 PM integrity, that bitch, prevented the latter
had he to do the hardwork and make it matter
somehow put together a seance and prayed to the Gods
5:04 PM somehow got some results and made a paper against all odds
glad he was the day he submitted
thought he had the devil outwitted
5:05 PM with no help, no support from his ex-boss, mentor whatever you say
written he had a logical beauty with results to stay
thought now he, nothing else would matter
5:06 PM get back to Shrirang, merry and chatter
no, it wasnt agreeable to the ex
his happiness he had sworn to vex
put my name in it and not shown me a draft
how dare you think of such a craft
5:07 PM said to his face he screw you, you waste my time
*scratch out he
i'd rather do it myself and save a dime
5:08 PM the logic to the mentor appealed, politely he said send me what you
ok sir, and the matter was settled
5:09 PM or so he thought, for it was only half a battle battled
i dont think it should perform as you say
5:10 PM it should be much better, and i said no way
he persisted and crapped a lot
go back to the ex-members and ask if i'm hot
gross as was the idea itself
5:11 PM but into it i delved
(the switch from third to first
person is simply a concentration burst)
5:12 PM so, he went and he asked
screw him, too much in his delusions he has basked
5:13 PM we dont have time to spare
not that we at all care
but for you, o smart one, we might make an exception
we shall review everything since its inception
5:14 PM if the hot boss shouts some more
stick it up his behind and call him a whore
with some amount of assurance, now i returned
and into the chat screen to her, he burned
5:15 PM she asked onto him, what that bothers you
and he replied with a succint poetic blue
*thank you, thank you*
8 minutes
5:24 PM me: now are you convinced?
12 minutes
5:37 PM me: chal me if you feel like dropping a penny or two
for the rime of the ancient coder, it ud make ye ol' man 'appy

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Art Of Dying

[EDIT] Preface: I had hoped that the story would make sense to the keen observant without the aid of this preface. But I have been admonished for being too convoluted. So, if you wish to take a challenge, you may skip this preface and head straight on to the date.
A string of thoughts led to something and I happened to meet this story on the way. Allow me, if you so please, to lead you along a couple of lines of summary.
Which is the greatest assumption under which any human lives? The answer lies within the question. "Lives". Death is when any human ceases to "live" and every human knows the sheer power of its inevitability. As with most hypothetical thought experiments that begin with the two inglorious words, "What if..?": what if this assumption weren't as obvious? Oh yes, this has been thought over and exploited, maybe even stripped bare naked in popular media as many times as any random number-digited random number that comes up in your head right now. But here, a slightly different outlook is taken. The question that I am now going to let linger in your mind as you read through this is: "What if human death was random; without any modern-day reasoning like say, accidents, disease, or even old age?". I hope and pray that the lingering is that of perfume in the air and not a housefly on a Sunday afternoon. :)

Dated 1 Mir 21 1729 P.M.

"I can’t even begin to imagine a biological form that is new to the nuances of death. But I blame that primarily on the very terrifyingly close-to-the-origin-that-was limits of my imagination. Philosophers, the ever-so-learned ones, dwell over the appropriate ways to die. It is, in some morbid sense, the latest fad. At times I wonder, am I, in fact, dumb enough to not understand the significance. It is written in the texts, that once, life was important to the human race. People feared death, but after a period of time and growing frustration towards this invaluable phenomenon, people started embracing death; forever finding new ways of dying, realising the numerous ways in which death could be achieved. A very fatal exercise, it would have seemed at the time. But something happened. I do not understand what; no one does; some say it is a Government experiment, but that wouldn't make much sense. They stood to lose the most. People had stopped dying.

No, immortality isn't exactly what we are looking at here. People did die. But not as per their free will. It is as random as random can get and a little more. Suicides, murders, executions, honor longer. Yeah, I checked their original meanings up on wikipedia's archives, the red colored entries. These terms seemed to have an entirely different meaning then. Death could be caused, they say, by physically or mentally destructing the human form. I still do not get it. How could another human being possibly be instrumental in determining another human life's length? Being entirely random is the only thing that is natural and probably sticks to logic. Not that I know much about logic, but that is what a significantly smarter friend argues.

I am a pugilist by profession. Sometimes, I wish I were in a gentler sport like, say, Xtreme supercross or speed skiing. Bah! "extreme", they say. Just a couple of fractures on a bad day and an antiquated, "Please do not try this at home" tag, which, as the internet joke goes, is probably to prevent real men from wasting their time. In boxing, on the other hand, "now" (as long as I or my granddad have known) that there is no fear of fatalities, fractures are the only points in the body that are targeted. But, I guess I was beaten out for it. Literally.

Yeah, my parents were a part of the (in)famous "little" trial group. They were of the opinion that, achieving death at a younger age could be more, ahem, "predictable". Had they been correct, well, for whatever I am worth, and that is a lot, I wouldn't have been writing this (nor would I have been that worthy). Rolled down the stairs at 2, dropped from the 30th floor at 3, speed skiing at 5. I was for sure one resilient bastard. I might have been an Andrew Wiles, or a Stephen Hawking, or better still, a Hugh Hefner, but the brain, it seems, doesn't take too well to jarring physical shocks and aftershocks.

Presumably, I might have slyly abandoned the point discussing what would have been, had death been "predictable". I assure you, I am incapable of such cunning. I think, after much discussion with superior-minded peers, had probabilities for death, or more specifically, death as a function of age been determined, the society might have reverted back to the ancient times. In fact, I thought writing down my ruminations on death would help me understand their discussion better. More honestly, this is to record and have their deliberations duly recognised. I hope they understand death better, now that they have achieved it so easily. Heroes indeed.

They believed, though they were too young to do that, that the human indifference to the phenomenon of death caused it to be something that one could be indifferent to. People had, at sometime in the past, collectively become so tired of the futility in the entire drill, that they ceased to care much for it. What we call simply living life now, became enjoying every day to the fullest for them. It was exhilarating, records claim. The world became a happier place to live in. I might have even considered shifting my residence to such a world, but it has remained the same ever since, and I really do not "enjoy" the current one. Wars meant slaughter then, not the cowardly strategic process it is now. My friends held that death, if put into an infinite recursion, would probably have to terminate either itself, or the running process. In simpler terms, our mind is responsible for our lives and what we make of it. Heavy, isn't it? I usually felt nauseous after such discussions. As an afterthought, I think there might be something to"

This is one of the earliest evidences, a seminal paper, so to say, approximately proving that human termination is caused by, "ring-a-ring-a-roses, pocket full of.." Incidentally, this innocent nursery rhyme has its dark origins in the black plague, which wiped out, “A bright blue sky and a flying firefly, all for you...". Thinking about death causes it. "Raffiniert ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist er nicht!". Damn, that didn't help. "Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was, "Oh no, not again". Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought about we knowing a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.". Surprising that no one noticed it earlier. Maybe because not many exactly thought about it and those who did, were clearly beyond their expiry date, which is probably why they thought as much about it. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn". What is however not known, nor wanting to be known, is the threshold amount of thought that topples over the institution of life. Maybe now, I have thought a bit too much.

Final Footnote : The dateline P.M. might have needed some clarification. The person who came up with P.M. ie: Post Mortem, thought it was a nice idea, and an interesting idea it indeed was. But not for him, for he died soon after, having thought too much over it. Official statements say the proposed dateline was formalised to honor his contribution. But the dark truth, it seems, is that no one really wanted to think much about it. :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Google sites

Friends and not-so-friendly passers-by,
Working in an extremely slow quasi-static fashion on my homepage, which unfortunately cannot be adorned with wonderful CSS and php and other what-nots and should-haves due to restrictions imposed by The Empire . Still giving in an effort and requesting suggestions (- which most probably I cannot include, but nevertheless!) from y'all (picked up from amir khan's blog writing style :P).

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Great CompSci-ites

The first entry would be a surprise to some, but is necessary to maintain the sanctity of the post

5. AMEY PARULEKAR : A EEEite by discipline, he is paralelled, probably only by Soumyadeep, in his knowledge regarding computers. Having made this comparision, it would be wrong ( ethically ) yet necessary to mention that Amey and Soumyadeep share a lot in common, although they are completely distinct at a superficial level. Very open in his views and takes criticisms in a healthy manner ( at least with me ). Has yet to rediscover his potential and be more satisfied with his own achievements. One of the very few individuals I have and will ( hopefully ) always admire and respect. Always looking forward to learn more from you, Amey !

6. VINEET KESHARI : A kul dood by profession, he is one of the two individuals I was in constant contact with ( no pervert connotations, please ! ) in 1-1, leaving alone my wing members. Weren't at good terms after certain incidents, but made up in the summer holidays :P. I am a great fan of his blog and am seriously impressed by his, I don't think I am. But, I still believe he has the potential to make it great and this is a very honest opinion.

7.VINEET PANDEY : Uncanny sense of fashion ( mine is still worse ). But that is totally irrelevant, for this guy knows what to do and when. Cannot say the same about the way he goes about doing it, but once that is taken care of, there is absolutely no stopping him. Pretty impulsive in response, but what many may not realise, is the heavy amount of processing that goes on in his brain before reacting. I just wish he would stick to what he loves and excel in it. Some distractions have shown to help him ( invoking Lucy ), while others haven't. The best thing about him is that he is always ready to learn and ego does not hinder this process.......a case with many others.

8. ADITH SWAMINATHAN : It was imperative for me to include this great individual. Most of you reading my blog may not know him, but simply clicking on the link or google-searching this name may provide enough information. A true genius and I mean it. Owing to my humongous ego, I rarely accept anybody to have a higher IQ than me ( mind y'all, IQ differs from knowledge ), but this guy has proved himself to be an exception. Adept at lying and very very good at it. Every facet about his personality is overwhelming. Maybe lookwise : NO, but talent-wise : YES, VERY YES. Other names to be given special mention in his context are NIKHIL HOODA ( appreciate him for his sheer honesty, truthfulness and intelligence ), KARTHIK RAMAN ( sad homepage but check out the CV...hilarious ), ASHWIN K.P. (he took a transfer to CSE in IITB, what more can I say......awesome brain power...and even better PJs) ( can't get his link, if anyone by any chance does get it, do check out his C.V. too )

9. GAURAV BHATELE : Ex-CompSci-ite, now will be doing mechanical in IITK most probably ( transfer, phew ! ). But as they say, "Once a BITSian, always a BITSian". Did, once in the last semester express his regret at leaving BITS-Pilani, but has now supposedly revised his opinion :P. But, while he was here, he truly was a sensation. He worked with me on AUXEL, and thats when we actually bonded. As he confesses, it is difficult for him to make mistakes and truly so. No matter what, he is surely making it big. Maybe not anymore as a CompSci-ite, but surely as an automobile engineer.

10.SWAPNIL GHIKE : I am surely getting at least one comment. Yes, here is one individual, our very own transfer material, who prides himself about knowing about everything. Following appropriately on the footsteps of his mentor, Rajat Bansal, he would surely taste success. Pairs up perfectly with his pals, Subhodip Ghosh and Rajat Tibrewal, who at their own capacities, deserve special mention. Especially Subhodip for his honesty, hardwork and zeal regarding his interests.( @ Subhodip : personal advice-> do be aware of who you are and what you are becoming, so that you do not regret not realising it earlier ). Can talk a lot more about Swapnil as much as he can talk about me :).
There are many other names I would like to mention, but can't as :
1. I am too bored with this topic, and so are you
2. Don't respect them as much, although I know they might outrun me ( literally, obviously )
3. Have to get ready to go for a movie

The Times They Are A-changing

Come gather 'round people,
wherever you roam,
And accept that the networks around you have grown,
And admit that software piracy you don't condone;
If your data to you is worth saving,
Then you better make backups,
On your Macs or PC clones,
For the times they are a-changin…

Come faculty and administrators,
please read your e-mail,
It's been there for months now and it's gettin stale,
Our attempts to get more disk space have failed,
The battle on campus is ragin;
Whether we will use Windows or Linux will prevail,
Yup, the times they are a-changin…

Come users and Sys Admins all over the LAN,
Your bandwidth requirements we don't understand,
Your digital desktops and cryptic commands;
Your multimedia stations,
Were not in the budget of our five year plan,
But the times they are a-changin…

With Ethernet, Token Ring and FDDI,
We've got the best network that money can buy,
With Internet access and registration on-line;
But yesterday when he was cleaning,
The janitor unplugged the power and all systems died,
Oh, the times they are a-changin…
Source: Internet :P

Friday, June 6, 2008


Had this on my mind for a pretty long time. It is basic human tendency in this age to advise and predict about other things and persons irrespective of their own standing and elligibility. I too unnaturally( conceit? ) jump into the same bandwagon and shoot:
1.RACHIT CHANDRA : I have always had immense respect for this young entrepreneur of sorts, especially for his achievements, ever since I first met him for the Aditya Birla Scholarship .....eliminations as I would put it. He knows what to do and when to do it and if he improves upon his temper and attitude ( and certain habits many may not approve of ), he will be able to control his destiny with elan and style. Will surely make it to the top, with a little grip on himself.
2.HARSHA VARDHAN: Do not have much knowledge about this guy except that he too is considered to be of the same callibre as Rachit Chandra and with due respect to Soumyadeep's suggestion, have also put him on the list of the future BITSian greats. All I have seen is his dedication to his work and commend him for the same. His interaction with other people is immaculate and probably scores over Rachit in this department. If only he could string together his acts and organise himself a bit better, he would be a strong force to reckon with.
3.SOUMYADEEP GHOSH : Has proved his stand in the competition time and again, and according to me, is running way ahead in the race at the moment. He is one person who literally scares me and hence demands "hats-off"-type respect. As he would best describe himself, 'A Man Of Actions', a perfect POM textbook example (lone and monk have to agree ;)) and a very disturbing fellow football match viewer :P, he sure does hold a great future in the corporate world......ONLY IF he wanted to. Contrary to the other two maharathis, he detests entrepreneurship and the corporate line, and would rather spend his time in solitude and (implied?) poverty as a researcher ( the skills for which I suppose he doesn't possess )(waiting for you to disprove me !). His future depends solely on the decision he takes after his M.S.
4.MAYANK MOHTA : An employer's pet. My favorite CompSci great and sidee; he totally bowls me over with the simplicity and clarity of his thoughts and the measured hardwork he puts in. A firm believer in the saying-" You reap as you sow ", he is going on with his goal pretty smoothly and will surely scale the heights.
to be contd......