Sunday, June 24, 2007

sorry again

Thanks to my disastrous antics in my previous blog on mishrabinit.blogspot,I had to succumb to writing another one.I shall try my best to be more truthful and honest this time around,so please read and be enlightened.Best of luck.(couldnt get any more conceited)
Purely inspired by a friend,I dedicate this blog to the person whom I owe everything, people around me and I possess.It will be imposssible for you to even fathom what he has done for us.I hope you will get a faint idea after reading this.I would rather consider it my inability that would be reflected if I do any sort of injustice to his efforts.
::He was in his mother's womb,enjoying the peace and warmth of solitude.Who said solitude led to madness???He contemplated.He was unaware of the commotion outside, in the dark world,they say.What could be darker than where he was?He wondered.Short of patience as he already was, he was getting desperate,for the outer world to be revealed to him.Hardly did he even imagine that what was being debated over outside would determine whether who would be fortunate enough to see what he wished to or not.
Around the tiny hospital table, the doctor sat solemnly facing the patient,her husband and her father.He had to reveal the truth, no matter how bitter it might be. This is what the reports had revealed to him.So he decided against wasting any more precious time and increasing the tension of the situation,for it might be detrimental to the patient.He, slowly and, in an extremely professional manner, spurted out the truth.
As if hit by a thunder bolt, she sat there,not able to understand what to do.The thought sent a chill through her spine.Her child would be born without a face!!!Well,that is what the doctor said.Due to unexpected release of ketones from her body,her child would not possess any facial features.HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE??She didnt know.She probably didnt even want to know.She didnt want to believe the doctor.Why should she?After all, the doctor had suggested an ABORTION and that was something she was determined not to do.She had done nothing wrong throughout the pregnancy.She had tried her best to do nothing wrong in life.The doctor had to be wrong.but then,she had no other option but to believe.Belief was something her father had taught her.she came back from the trance she had fallen into.In front of her, her husband stood helpless,shellshocked, and beside her,her father in deep thought.Throughout her life, she had considered her father's decision as final in all situations however drastic.This was one of those moments.She understood him well enough and had already anticipated what he would say.She was just waiting for him to speak.He always spoke wisely and correctly.She believed in him more than the doctor.
Why is my grandfather not speaking??? Isnt that what my mother wants?You must be wondering how I got the valuable wisdom, however minimal, that makes me speak.I myself do not know.But, I guess it is the wierd sounding chants I hear all day.My grandfather calls them mantras.He even related a story to me.He told me something about arjuna's son abhimanyu.He said that arjuna had revealed the trick to defeat a chakravyuh formation in war to his mother while he was in her womb.And as a result, abhimanyu also had the knowledge.Probably, it is the same case here.And it somehow makes me feel great.The train of thoughts through his mind were interrupted by his grandfather's booming voice.He strained his ill-developed ears to overhear the conversation.He heard him say that abortion will never be an option......what was abortion he wondered..he now felt really helpless not being able to hear the doctor.He was constrained to be able to hear only those emotionally close to him.It was like telepathy.He got back to the eavesdropping,if one would term it that way.His grandfather continued to insist on the delivery,and decided that the delivery would be done in cuttack under supervision of his brother.Hums of agreement and silent thankfulness came from both the parents.Grandma went to bombay to give darshan to siddhivinayak and wish for a fruitful and obstacle-free delivery.And for the child, life continued.He could feel the presence of vighnaharta ganesha within him.He couldnt help but devour this feeling...........
Years have past since.The child had grown.And yes,no facial distortion of any sort.He was pretty healthy,rather more than he should be.He travelled to foreign countries,stayed in numerous places all over India.He thoroughly enjoyed all the unconditional love, friends, experience he amassed.But above all, he valued the time he spent with his grandpa.He loved listening to stories and he had a rich source for the same.Every night,he was told a new story,learning new things about Gods,spirited souls,great saints and unsung heroes,and each one carried a thought with them that the child comprehended and instilled within himself.His grandfather made him do things much beyond his age,with the conviction that he would certainly be able to do it.It pretty much surprised people who witnessed it.They were not able to understand how a child studying in class 5th was able to solve 8th standard mathematics.He also had become a yoga and reiki master at the tender age of 11 and the thoughts he spoke reflected his immense wisdom.Came 9th STD.,and he was introduced to the beautiful world of sanskrit and bengali,in spite of his mother tongue being oriya.
All that his grandfather had taught him started coming to life,as he started understanding the world around him, in the real sense.He began identifying the vices surrounding his life and recollected how he had been taught to protect against them.He saw success as a devil in guise that intended to lift him off the ground, while he strove to keep his feet stuck to the earth, letting ambitions fly.
His grandfather was the happiest person on earth,when he got the news.He saw the statue he had moulded all these years come to life.He had been ultimately awarded,partially although, but it gave him immense pleasure to see his grandson top the 10th standard board exams.One could literally see the joy in his eyes.within no time, half of bhubaneshwar knew about it.And seeing this joy was a relief to all around.After all, the fact that he had been surviving for a full 20 years with only 20% of his heart functioning was nothing short of a miracle.He had been a miracle man.He was one of the biggest businessmen in orissa.everyone knew and adored him for his large-heartedness.Irony,isnt it?He suffered his first major heart attack right before his only daughter's marriage;and since then he has undergone 2 cardiac arrests and a major by-pass surgery.Medically,he couldnt have lived for more than 3years or so.But he had proved medical science wrong in the past too,hadnt he? Purely driven by will power and the grace ofGod,he had exerted his heart to the fullest.
And now 20 years later,he was exerting it more than ever.Not with work,as always the case had been,but with joy.He had forgotten all the grudge he had against the board exams because,they had drawn his most dearest grandson away from him.His grandson wasnt able to visit him,nor was he able to visit his grandson,due to the onslaught of the exams.He just wished the best.The only communication he managed to have with his grandson was an early morning dialogue, in sanskrit, over the phone.He knew that his teachings-morales, mathematics, sanskrit, yoga, science, all would come to his grandson's support when he needed them, and they did,but not nearly as much as his own aashirwaad.
He believed in the power of God more than ever before,and knew that He would help through him.He was already popular in all of Jagganath Puri(one of the four most important religious dhams of India),as the daadhi waale baba.Living in a lavish one -bedroom apartment, he had left all wealth and family behind.As wise men say,the last part of life should be spent in sannyasa yoga-the vedas call it the last stage of an ideal human life.After all,everything he had earned in life would not have been possible without his God,his dadu and his wife.He had never been parented.He spent his childhood as an orphan.As adolescence loomed over him,he was kindly adopted by a great bengali freedom fighter(dadu) who had now dedicated his life to the welfare of the poor in the villages of Orissa.It was his inherent smartness and excellent communication skills that had attracted dadu to him.His foster brothers were also great personalities in their respective fields.He was proud of them.He was an engineer himself and wanted his grandson to be one too.He was sure that he would be.
He paid surprise visits to his eldest grandson very often,who lived in mumbai.The same grandson we have talked about all the while.But somehow he felt that proably this was his last visit.He had probably foreseen when he would die.So he made it a point to fulfill all his responsibilities and meet his loved ones before he left for heavenly abode.This however was concealed from others.All they got were hints which they made no sense of.His grandson had made sense of the hints,but did not want to accept it.It seemed so not possible.
This probable last visit of his,was not how he had expected it to turn out.He had expected much more.He had expected his grandson to understand.But academics had blocked his mind.He felt this was what he had feared-the attack of teenage.He thought he had made his grandson immune to it.But he was probably wrong.He did not want to have this sense of failure.He had always admired his grandson's inquisitiveness,but questioning his parents was something he did not want.He rebelled,took less care of his grandfather than he should.Somehow academics had become paramount.He cried out that his grandfather no longer understood him.But the latter wondered if it was the other way round.The love was fading, so was life.His daughter and son-in-law saw the change that had come over him,he was less active;but thought it was due to illness.The day he was about to leave to delhi, he woke everyone up to a freshening cup of tea, jokingly terming it-"the alvida chai".The term made literal sense, but still no one understood the implications.
In delhi, he had some land settlement to handle.The morning after it was all complete,he had another heart attack,and this one proved fatal.He still could have survived if he wished to,but the will had died...........
Back in mumbai,his grandson had completed an exam and had returned home, just to find his mother in immense tension.He wondered why.He soon knew.His beloved grandfather had suffered a heart attack.Intuitive by nature,he knew what was next.Although he hoped the best; he knew he was hoping against hope.He tried long-distance reiki.The warmth in his hand was increasing and then decreasing,and then suddenly it went cold.He got the message, but was afraid to reveal it to his mother.He didnt have to wait for long.The phone rang and the news was out.He expired of a heart attack in an ambulance stuck in delhi traffic,with AIIMS just a forlong away.
His grandson wished he could have shown much more respect and love, but he was helpless.He was pathetically horrible at emoting.He wanted to, throughout his grandfather's visit, but he never could.He had much more love than he showed,but they wouldnt understand.He repented thoroughly for not being able to express himself,but he simply wasnt able to.His self had taken over him.He was no longer in control of his emotions.and you can express your emotions only when you can control them.His hormones and lack of yoga practice and most of all,dedication to God, had stolen away the excellent control he had.He wanted to exercise his adulthood by showing authority,but that fogged his emotional brain.He wanted to do a lot more for his grandfather in his last days,but time passed could not be regained.He suffered more than any one else could.He wilted inside and could not handle himself.But he had to,for the sake of his mother.He had to be strong.He should not be sad,his grandfather had said,for spirits do endure after death,he had scientifically convinced him.There was lot he had to say,lot he had to ask,lot he had to learn.And now he was left desolate and handicapped.He felt his absence more than ever and is still feeling it...................................
So friends,my advice to you all, never be shy about expressing your feelings openly.He learnt it the hardest way possible.You better not.Show love and compassion to all you intend to
............and may God bless you all.

5 comments:

Apurva said...

Hey! that was really good.....it looks like every teenagers life sounds similar.....the competition has taken a toll on life leaving behind the small happiness which one can experience everyday ....
gr8 job Binit!!!

Arup said...

gr8 job yaar.........
frankly once i had many tabs open and thought....ok binit ka hai thoda padh ke bas!!!!!!!..
but frankly once i strted i didn't feel like stopping........
one of the best ever sketches of teenage life which i even hv faced!!!!!!!
gr8 going buddy........produce even more such pieces of brillinaces!!!!!
PS-Hw cum u didn't get highest in Eng huh??!!! LOL

ankita vijayvergiya said...


wow
THIS WAS TOO GOOD
TOO TOUCHING
too heavy to digest actually...
:)
gr8 work
lovely description of it all
really
all this description makes it just too interesting to read..
:)

Vineet Keshari said...

I'm sorry but I could only reach upto half the length of the post before a month of the vacations passed by...

but from what I managed to read... lovely work... I liked the part where you describe the guy's relationships... very touching... and very sad indeed...

i never knew u had such a brilliant command over ur english... cuz when u speak its rather celtic :P

ARNAB HAZRA said...

Nice dude .... Really beautiful ...